The Boy Who Came Back After 500 Years
by andthenshe
Summary: ... and the damaged ones who came with him.   They were pieced together by the cruel hands of fate, and Goku tries to understand a lot of things he can't.


**The Boy Who Came Back After 500 Years,**

and the damaged ones who came with him.

PG  
><strong>Feedback <strong>is adored.

They were pieced together by the cruel hands of fate, and Goku tries to understand a lot of things he can't.

* * *

><p>"The people I love were all there and we were all laughing and I kept thinking, right now, this is all I need."<p>

000

When they all first meet, the second time, there is something gnawing on the inside of Goku's skin.

Sanzo leads them out of a dense thicket of trees, saying something about finding a castle where a thousand demons died, and the redhead is apparently too kind that it's bordering on stupid, and the man with the broken right eye just wants to find her body. Goku doesn't quite follow, but he follows anyway.

Somewhere, there is a precious memory that disappeared from within his brain (and he does have a brain, no matter how many times Gojyo says he didn't), and it's no use how hard his fingers clench, he can never get a hold of it. On times like this, he doesn't even realize that tears are spilling down his face and he grips at the ground beneath his feet because something hurts, something hurts so much, but he doesn't even know what. He doesn't remember anything past a dark cave and silver shackles bounded to his wrists.

Over and over, he whispers to himself, "Goku, I remember that my name is Son Goku," until he calms down just enough to breathe. For some reason, he sees shadows from a life he's never had. Kenren, Tenpou, Konzen… those names mean absolutely nothing to him, and yet they are everything. It is confusing and unbearable, but he keeps it anyway and places it right in his heart, because that is all he has.

000

When they all first meet, the second time, the sunrise has never looked so spectacular.

Sanzo tells them all to shut up with a familiar scowl on his face, Gojyo ruffles his hair and steals his food and Hakkai shows him how to cook a crisp vegetable stir fry.

Goku wants to laugh and cry and scream so badly, "Do you know how long I've been waiting for all of you?" But he doesn't, of course he doesn't.

000

When they all first meet, the second time, the cherry blossoms in heaven start to bloom again.

000

The first thing about Hakkai is that he's a mass-murdering psychopath.

He can be calculating and cutthroat and he fights without emotions to hold him back. Goku has once seen him rip through an army of demons with nothing but his hands, bloody and bare, and glassy eyes that reveal a creature that isn't quite as human as he pretends to be. Every time it rains, Hakkai turns quiet and unforgiving and his smile seems more strained than usual, but a silver dragon with a patient temper still finds something to respect in him. Goku doesn't understand the whole story but from what he's heard, there is a dead girl named Kannan and Hakkai still sees her everywhere.

He tries to be scared of him, he really does, but he's seen Hakkai's rotten scar and genuine smile and he's heard Hakkai's corny jokes. Hakkai is patient, unlike Sanzo, and he listens to Goku's problems without judgment, unlike Gojyo. He cooks and cleans and teaches him simple arithmetic through apples and he doesn't get mad when Goku accidentally eats his homework. He drives Jeep for sometimes weeks at a time without complaint, and Goku never wants Hakkai to think that he doesn't appreciate everything that he does, not even once.

The second thing about Hakkai is that he may be a mass-murdering psychopath, but he is also one of the kindest people Goku's ever met.

000

Gojyo, even without the red hair and red eyes, is a living contradiction.

The stronger he pretends to be, the weaker he actually is. The more he talks, the less he has anything to say. And just when he says he's over it, he leaves camp to avenge the death of a stupid, tragic little brat.

Most of all, and what Goku admires more than anything is that despite his broken heart, Gojyo still loves unconditionally.

He has seen the way Gojyo stare at his reflection like he's scared of just what's hiding underneath, the way Gojyo visits his mother's grave with flowers that aren't red, just to tell her how sorry he is.

Goku understands, sometimes, how useless it is to say sorry to someone who isn't there anymore. And Gojyo, even through all his flaws and the frantic, terrible way he refuses to cry, radiates brilliantly in all his compassion.

Goku doesn't know a lot of things about Gojyo's mom, but on the nights when Gojyo is just drunk enough to talk about her without punching a brick wall until the skin on his knuckles peel right off, he tells her that she is the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. Goku knows that this is the same woman who gave Gojyo two scars and an arsenal of wounds that never fully healed, and Gojyo is a living contradiction. The more hideous something is, the more beautiful Gojyo finds it to be.

000

A lot of people think that Sanzo darkens every situation because he carries a frightening coldness beneath his eyes when he thinks no one is looking, but Goku is always looking, and all Goku sees are flashes of a boy with a gaping hole plunged in the middle of his chest out of the guilt that eats him alive.

The first thing Sanzo says, like an accusation of everything he hates, is "I couldn't save him." The second thing, this time, is like a promise, "I'm never going to lose anything precious to me ever again."

Goku doesn't know what to say, so he stays quiet and watches the rain carelessly drizzle from the window of his room. He wonders why the past is such a heavy burden that everyone refuses let go of.

But most of the time, Sanzo is just Sanzo: That irritated and moody priest who pulled Goku out of a lonely cave on top of a stupid mountain everyone was too afraid to climb, and gave Goku so many other things to do than tirelessly watch the constellations shift from the night sky.

"It's completely selfish of me," Sanzo mutters to himself when he thinks Goku can't hear him, "but I just never want you to feel alone ever again."

Sanzo comes into Goku's life and lets him finally touch the light he has spent 500 years trying to reach, and for that Goku is desperately grateful in ways more than words can even say.

000

Once upon a time, Goku remembers something that shines brighter than the sun. But that's all he really remembers.

Sometimes, he sees someone with long, blonde hair lurking in the edges of his dreams, familiar in all the ways he shouldn't be, hidden where Goku can't quite see him.

"I'm sorry I let you go," the man says with a painful smile, "I'm sorry it took so long for me to find you."

And then, he is gone. Goku is left with nothing except for that hurt again, that unnameable something that devours Goku from the inside and leaves him bleeding, and no matter what he does, he can't make it stop.

When Goku wakes up, he is crying.

000


End file.
